what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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