it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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