lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
