i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
