these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
