just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
