okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
