So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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