He told me they were just razor bumps!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize