For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
