I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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