if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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