How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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