I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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