I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
