if you like me you must not know who I am
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
