Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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