$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
