so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
