I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
