dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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