She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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