so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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