I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
