You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
