you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I need moral support for this bender
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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