maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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