I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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