I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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