Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
