I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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