i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize