Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
