It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
