There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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