see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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