we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize