just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
