i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
