I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
