id be glad to
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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