I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
