I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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