WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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