he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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