i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
