We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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