How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
