I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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