Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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