I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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