I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
