they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
