At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
