i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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