Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
