I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
