I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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