I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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