i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
