I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
