I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
