If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
