Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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