Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
