tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
