im six kinds of drunk right now
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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