Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
